Whereas, the City Attorney has negotiated a deal between the City of DeLand and himself; and
Whereas, that deal guarantees the attorney a profit, and additionally that the City will undertake to obtain $250,000 in grant money for said attorney, plus a no-bid roofing job for one of his friends; and
Whereas, we’re not saying that we don’t trust the attorney, for all attorneys are bound by a strict code of ethics which forbids them from robbing their grandmothers on alternate Wednesdays without prior approval from a law partner, so we aren’t saying we don’t trust him; and
Whereas, we would never say such a thing. No really, we wouldn’t; and
Whereas, we were just kidding when we said that we trust him ‘‘about as far as we can throw that theater building’’ the other day; and
Whereas, we are certain that the attorney is really engaged in this deal only for the good of the City, and neither the assured profit nor the quarter-million in grant money had anything to do with it; but
Whereas, we have to admit that it did look bad when he negotiated such a deal with himself, though certainly we understand and commend him on shrewd negotiating; and
Whereas, we wish no one had noticed the stench arising from this deal, nor compared its smell with that of Mt Trashmore, the County’s combination sanitary landfill/tourist attraction; and
Whereas, we wish that, when people noticed and complained to the Commission, the Mayor, one Commissioner, and the City Attorney had not embarrassed themselves publicly by blowing their stacks;
Therefore be it resolved:
That the City of DeLand shall engage a second attorney, to investigate the work of the first, though such investigation is unnecessary, since we trust the first; and
That the second attorney shall sit in the first attorney’s chair when the City discusses the Theater, though of course we deny that there was ever a conflict of interest; and
That the first attorney shall receive full pay for meetings, including those times when the second attorney warms the chair.
Done in open meeting this
31st day of June, 1993,
____________________
Hizzonner, Da Rig
____________________
Witness: Mark Zimmerman,
Investor City Attorney
Fake Disclaimer
The characters and acts herein are representations
of real persons
and are in no wise the creatures of the
author's imagination.
Any resemblence between the City Attorney and a pole cat
is purely political commentary.
Any mention of the resemblence of Commissioner Bone
as the person who got a no-bid contract on the roof
is soundly suppressed and you will please ignore it.
Legal Mumbo-Jumbo
This material is a paid political advertisement
provided by
P.O. Box 1208,
DeLand 32721.